Reunions With the SAS
by 23dae5dal03ist
Summary: SAS training comes back to haunt him two years after Alex's first mission. Now he has to train new soldiers and fend off a suspicious sergeant as well as dodge pesky questions from his former unit.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Alex Rider.**

* * *

The real threat to spies, Alex reflected idly, wasn't bullets, he could dodge those. Neither was it the constant flirting of death nor the danger of disease and infection in some exotic locale. No it was something much worse. Something even more sinister than crazy terrorist organizations, something-

"Alex, you done with that file yet?" A perky voice sounded behind him, interrupting his contemplations.

The teenager sighed, as if mustering up the willpower to do something besides stare at the black dotted line on one of the many forms in front of him. He then turned to snarl at his intruder. "Do you ever knock? Go away Ben."

"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," his former unit mate teased, holding up his hands in a universal gesture of surrender. "Besides its not my fault you put off your paperwork till two days before it was due."

"Ben," Alex grit out, inwardly trying to maintain a tranquil appearance.

"Alex," the overgrown toddler grinned.

"Shut up and go away before I end you," The boy threatened calmly. "And for your information, Tulip told me that she wouldn't accept any more reports done with a broken arm. She claims they aren't 'readable'. Whatever that means."

Ben Daniels snorted, ignoring the aforementioned threat. Alex was too much of a softy to carry through with it. "Broken arm or not, I'm surprised she can read them at all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The teen voiced crossly.

"Hate to break it to ya' kid, but your handwriting is illegible at best. I dated a college student who was training to become an archeologist. She saw a sample of your work and you know what she asked me?"

"What did she ask you?" Alex deadpanned.

"She asked me why I didn't tell her I knew Ancient Sumerian."

Alex threw his hands up."You wouldn't have had that problem if you hadn't left your reports out in the open."

"Stop changing the subject. Now where's that file?"

"Have fun looking."Alex gestured towards the foot tall pile of stapled packets, manilla folders, and loose forms covering his desk.

The man's eyes widened, but he began looking through the files, "Geez Alex,how can you work in this disaster zone."

"In my defense," he murmured, "The pile is about half a foot shorter than it was this morning. Not that you're listening."

Ben absently nodded, still sifting through the clutter. A minute later he was quickly yanking out a thin blue folder and clutching it like an Olympic athlete clutches a gold medal. "Found it, _Bosnian Terrorist Cells_." He then glanced at the mess he had made. "You should really clean that up," Ben nodded towards it.

Alex looked for a long moment then pointed imperiously at the thin office door all the while glaring at the man. "Out!"

Ben backed away as if he was trying to not upset some vicious carnivore, "I'm going, I'm going. Don't get your panties in a twist."

He was out the door before Alex could throw something.

. . .

No, the real threat to spies wasn't any of those things, at least in Alex's own opinion. It was something worse: paperwork.

Doing it was a lethargic uphill battle. One that he always lost, much to Mrs. Jones' perpetual annoyance and Ben's constant teasing.

Reluctant to get back to work, Alex bent down to pick up the discarded mess that that idiot had left. All that remained, in the end, was an official looking letter addressed to one Agent Rider.

He was instantly on alert. Few people knew his name, and fewer still actually knew his office address. He checked for letter bombs.

Finding no signs of malicious intent but still wary, he slit the envelope with a knife strapped to his calf. What the teenager found inside, though, made him almost wish it had been a letter bomb.

Crap.

He needed to find Tulip.

. . .

"No Alex."

"But-"

"We cannot get you out of this," Tulip Jones said with an air of finality from behind her ornate, leather-bound, mahogany desk.

"So send me on a mission, I don't care if its in Antarctica just don't let those meat heads near me," he pleaded.

"As useful as you would be-."

"So I don't need to go," the boy interrupted.

"I didn't say that. As useful as you would be, I'm afraid that you were on missions during the last two reunions,"She continued."Besides, the report from your therapist specifies that you should have more social interaction than just your coworkers at MI6. This is a perfect opportunity."

"Can't you people just set me up with a fake ID and send me to a club?"

"No." She then continued less harshly, "What sort of intelligence agency condones underage drinking?"

Alex refrained from commenting. Barely. He then changed tactics, whining, "Why doesn't Ben have to go?"

"Agent Daniels will be there for the second half of the reunion. Someone hacked into his files and translated them into Sumerian. Tech support are trying to figure out how to re-translate them," She glanced at him as if she knew he had something to do with it. He also knew she had no proof that he did it, "In the meantime Daniels will be rewriting each of his files. And you will still have to go, but alone for the first few days."

Alex shuddered, being alone with the same men who had gleefully dubbed the boy 'Double O Nothing' three years ago, brought phantom shivers down his back in a way not even Dr. Three could. The spy could already feel himself being pulled back into the frigid, soggy void that had been his eleven day stay at the SAS.

Ben had grown up enough for him to become a surrogate brother, occasionally providing distraction for him to escape the hospital. In return, the boy often found himself hosting Ben when the spy was trying to get away from psychotic exes.

On the other hand, though he was the main instigator of their fights, Alex liked to think that he and Wolf had come to some sort of mutual respect during his mission at Point Blanc. Alex hadn't seen the man since that day, not that he had expected or hoped to.

The man was still alive according to Ben, who still bothered to keep in contact with his old unit for sappy personal reasons that didn't make sense to Alex.

Tulip drew his attention once more, "Your next mission won't start until a week after you get back from the reunion. Smithers is in France at the moment, but he sent something for you."

Alex smirked then quickly arranged his face in some sort of dignified scowl. "Is that all?"

Mrs. Jones sighed tiredly as if to alleviate her sudden feelings of doom, "Yes Alex, you may go."

He stood up.

"And finish your paperwork," She called.


	2. Chapter 2

**Unfortunately, I do not own Alex Rider.**

* * *

"So you're really going. You aren't going to just run away and sneak across the border into France?" Tom Harris asked around a mouthful of pretzels.

"No, I think that after that third failed kidnapping when I was fifteen Tulip got fed up and had her people inject me with some sort of tracking chip."

"You mean that bump that Ben told you was a bug bite?"

"You know it." After Tom's parents finalized the divorce a year ago he moved in with his brother Jerry in Italy. The boys had weekly conversations over Skype when Alex wasn't on a mission or in the hospital.

"Aren't you worried that the K-unit won't welcome you? I mean, you weren't exactly there for the whole time."Tom finally asked.

Alex snorted, "They were hardly welcoming three years ago, only this time I'm not a weak, doe eyed fourteen-year-old still grieving the death of his guardian." The youth smirked. "Besides, this time I have a plan."

"Why do I suddenly feel sorry for the K-unit"

"Because you know me well."

"A little too well I think sometimes." Tom remarked ruefully, "So are you going to clue me in?"

"Think Winter break of '05."

Tom laughed. "You wouldn't. I don't think they deserve that kind of torture."

Alex waved it off. "They'll be fine; what could go wrong?"

"First of all, you jinxed it," Tom held up a finger. "And second of all, I remember it ended with Ian staying in a hospital bed for a month and a half."

"There will be a medic station on site. Anyways how were we supposed to know that the railing was unstable." The spy defended.

Tom looked at him reprovingly.

"Fine," Alex surrendered. "I won't do anything that could kill them."

Tom kept staring.

"Or permanently maim them," He revised.

"I suppose that's good enough." Tom glanced at the clock near the bottom of his screen. "Shouldn't you be packing? You told me you leave tomorrow."

Alex lifted the tan duffle bag that was next to his chair. "Already did, though I should pack what Smithers sent. I'll see you in two weeks?"

"Yeah, but I'll let you know if anything changes over here."

Alex moved to log off.

"Oh and Alex?"

"What?"

"Do have fun with your SAS buddies."

Alex flipped him off.

….

The drive to the reunion was too short, in Alex's opinion. Slate gray nimbus clouds gathered upon the horizon like a flock of vultures ready to scavenge the leftovers of the doomed creatures below. They seemed to have only grown darker over the course of the hour, promising the same bitter, numbing rain that had characterized his last stay at Breacon Beacons. It matched Alex's mood perfectly.

It was already pouring by the time the spy reached the gates of hell. A soldier in a rain poncho came out to greet him. "Aren't you a little young to be here for the reunion?"

Alex resisted the urge to sigh, but held up the letter and envelope in response.

"Check-in is in the sergeant's office," the soldier said as he let the spy in.

. . .

"You must be Cub. They told me you were young, but I didn't expect you to look just out of diapers"

Alex resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. At 5'4 he still hadn't reached his growth spurt yet, making even Tom, who was the shortest kid in their grade before, now tower over him. The teen didn't let Alex forget it either.

The man who sat behind the sergeant's desk wasn't the same that had trained him two years earlier. Instead it was a fit redhead whose placard read 'Sergeant William Harris'. Alex tried not to think that his best friend could be related to this man.

"You'll be bunking with the rest of your unit in cabin eleven," The Sergeant informed him. "Sergeant Wilson is on leave and won't be returning for another few days, if you're wondering why I'm here."

Alex stood to leave.

"Just one question, Cub. Why don't I don't have your file when I have one for everyone else?"

The spy froze, but forced himself to shrug. "I don't know; maybe it was misplaced." He knew it wasn't. The only way the officer wouldn't have his file was if he didn't have high enough clearance. Which begged the question of why he had access to the files for most of the other soldiers, some of them having a clearance almost as high as his own.

"Yes that's probably it," Harris muttered reluctantly.

"Is that all?"

The man nodded, "That is all soldier."

. . .

"You!"

"Me."

"You're here."

"I thought that was something obvious. Then again, Wolf, you were never one for subtleties."

"Why I oughtta-"

"Who is it, Wolf?" A voice interrupted the two arguing.

"Yeah, Wolf, who is it," Another voice added.

"See for yourself," Wolf sneered. "The prodigal son has returned."

"Cubby!" Eagle rushed out to greet the youth.

"Can't breathe," Alex grit out from beneath Eagle's choke hold-like embrace.

"Forgive him, Cub." Snake meandered to the cabin entrance, "Some days he just can't control himself."

Wolf grunted in agreement with the latter statement.

. . .

A minute later had Alex freed from Eagle's hug and claiming the bed nearest to the cabin door. His cabin mates had once again settled into companionable silence, each man in his own thoughts. The spy automatically examined the others with bored eyes.

Wolf's Hispanic features were once again pulled into a scowl, further highlighting a nose that had been broken at least once and and reset badly. The strong Spanish accent that Alex remembered from two years ago had faded into a blend of Welsh, Spanish, and perhaps Greek.

Alex could tell that he was upset about something by the way his short, broad shoulders were hunched.

Snake, on the other hand, was much more relaxed. The fair-haired man seemed to be in some sort of trance. Alex followed his gaze to see him watching the smoke from a cigarette curl in the air. His other hand hung limply off the bed, fingers splayed.

Finally Eagle crouched on his bed,his eyes wide as he was seemingly engrossed in some cheap thriller. Several candy wrappers lay on the floor under his cot, a testament to his sugar high.

"So is this it?" Alex wondered aloud, looking at the men.

Snake looked up, "For now. We got a message that Fox won't be here for another few days."

"He's probably on some totally awesome, super secret mission," Eagle exclaimed, looking excited.

Alex had to squash the urge to laugh, knowing that the only mission Ben was on was probably getting out of his knee-deep paper work. Instead he asked, "I meant what are we supposed to be doing?"

It was Wolf who answered this time, "Most soldiers are still en route. The official 'reunion' will begin tomorrow. Rest up."

Alex wondered if that was concern he just heard.

Wolf utterly destroyed any meaningful moment by then stating, "I don't want you giving any excuses that you're tired if this unit looks sloppy because of you."

"Of course," Alex muttered.

Eagle suddenly laughed causing the others to look at him strangely. He motioned to the book,

"Great stuff," He murmured.

"Okay then," The spy tried not to think about the coming week.

At least he wasn't stuck doing paperwork.

* * *

**Thank you for your awesome reviews!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Alex Rider.**

Though it had only been a day, Alex was already contemplating 'accidentally' alerting one of his enemies in order to get kidnapped. At least terrorists were somewhat straight forward; he would consider it a miracle if he got out of this place alive and in one piece.

Surprisingly, the K-unit acted better than he had expected towards him. Wolf ignored them all for the most part. Alex and Snake hid Eagle's stash of sugary sweets on Wolf's orders. While Eagle frantically tried to find his sugary goodies, the unit leader carefully explained that the words 'Eagle' and 'sugar high' were often followed by 'disaster' and after the Switzerland catastrophe he wasn't willing to take any chances. Snake, of course, already knew about it, but when Alex tried to get either to further open up both physically shuddered and told him he was better off not knowing. Moreover, the medic lectured that sweets were not healthy and that the man could have them once the reunion was over, much to Eagle's dismay and Alex's amusement.

. . .

"What are you lookin' at?" Wolf asked grunted warily, watching Alex's expression while stirring sugar into his tea.

"Nothing." Alex managed not to smirk. He had switched the labels on all the salt and sugar jars earlier that morning. True, it wasn't the most imaginative prank, but he could still enjoy the chaos that it caused.

Wolf took a drink, then making a face he exchanged his tea with Eagle's while the man was chatting up a groggy and defenseless Snake. The cheerful soldier took a break to grab his tea, adding two heaping spoonfuls of what he thought was sugar and raising the cup to his lips. Alex tried not to laugh as he began choking and hastily spit the now lukewarm, salty tea on Snake's face. The unit fell silent at Snake's murderous expression as he slowly dabbed his eyes then launched himself at his fellow unit mate with a vengeful battle cry.

Eagle went down quickly, crying out for his Cub to help him and that his unit was so cruel. Alex ignored him, muttering that he wasn't anybody's possession.

A voice interrupted their activities,"Well, well. If it isn't the K-unit, still playing nursemaids I see."

Snake and Eagle immediately stopped fighting. Alex thought he heard Wolf groan. He gazed at the newcomer, a heavily muscled man with hard, flinty eyes and a blonde buzz cut. A pin on his collar denoted him as a unit leader.

"Lion," Wolf grit out, as if the words physically hurt him. "Last I heard, your unit was on probation. What are you doing here?"

"I came for the reunion, just like you," the man sneered. "But If this is all, I have more important things to do than look at a bunch of overgrown babies who somehow made it past selection."

Alex refrained from commenting that he had been the one to single them out, not the other way around. The spy turned to Snake as the man walked away, "Who was that?"

Wolf answered before the other could. "That was Lion, leader of S-unit."

"AKA the man who holds the fastest time on the assault course, AKA the Sergeant's favorite, AKA Wolf's rival, AKA that dirty scumbag," Eagle added.

Snake turned to look at the teen, "I would've used stronger language, but basically what Eagle said. Our units met before on a mission in Austria a year ago. We never really got along, but Wolf and Lion were at each other's throats constantly. I recall Lion was a bit of a glory hog-"

"A bit? The bastard was given a medal for taking down a terrorist cell, but it was our unit who did all the work," Wolf bit out, clearly frustrated.

"Anyway", Snake continued, "We've met on other occasions, but they've never turned out well. The last of which ended with both our units on disciplinary probation, though ours ended two weeks ago." The soldier smirked, "Their probation won't end until November."

"What happened?" Alex asked, now insanely curious.

The three man now looked at each other in silent argument and perhaps a tinge amusement before Snake cautiously replied. "Let's just say that it was an eventful assignment which ended with most of us in the hospital wing and C-unit scarred for life."

Wolf looked proudly at Eagle and Snake. "They may have beaten us once boys, but this time we'll give 'em hell."

Snake put a hand on Alex's shoulder. "We may not have treated you the best last time Cub." At this, Wolf seemed to cow under Snake's glare, "But never forget that you are part of this unit-"

"Yeah!" Eagle exclaimed, interrupting Snake.

Wolf continued where the medic left off, "Which means that anyone who insults the K-unit's honor-"

"Dubious as it may be sometimes," Snake interjected.

"-must be pranked until they see the error of their ways-" Wolf continued.

"... or until they're dead, maimed, or a combination of the two," Eagle finished, looking quite pleased with himself.

"That too," Wolf agreed.

Alex was pretty sure his unit had only gotten even more insane in his two year absence.

. . .

SAS reunions, Alex had come to believe, were simply a code for slave labor. Over the course of the two days the K-unit had been together, they had mowed the grounds, stocked up on food, and cleaned the cabins, the last of which being a truly horrific experience that Alex thought surpassed several of the tortures that Dr. Three came up with. They also replaced most of the equipment on the assault course. As Snake explained while the unit reattached climbing ropes that as fun as it was to watch new recruits fall, selection was hard enough to pass without life-threatening injuries. Even so, Alex couldn't help but notice the sadistic glee Wolf took in refilling the slime pit.

. . .

A less amusing fact the spy learned about the SAS came within two days of his arrival. Apparently it was tradition that rather than hiring cooks, the soldiers prepared all the meals served in the mess tent. Though Snake informed him that a chef was flown in to cook for anyone staying in the main house as they called the huge mansion over the hill, it was generally a joke. It did explain many things about his last stay, namely why the food tasted so horrible. Alex may have trusted most of these men to watch his back on a mission, but after watching Wolf and Eagle bumble about the kitchen he decided that in regards to one's stomach it was every man for himself.

Alex wouldn't stand for another night of oatmeal. Somebody had to tell him. The question, though, was would he listen. Deciding that he had never been a coward before and it certainly wasn't time to start now Alex opened his mouth.

"Wolf, you're doing it wrong."

"What?" The officer exclaimed, slightly offended. "What would you know about cooking?"

'More than you,' the spy thought, flashing back to the days before Jack came, when Ian taught him how to cook so he wouldn't starve to death while the man played spy. Instead Alex told him, "Enough to know that rice doesn't cook that long."

Wolf looked, then quickly grabbed the pot, almost dropping it because of the amount of heat it emit. He uncovered the lid, peered in , made a face then swiftly recovered it. "Looks like its oatmeal again tonight."

Eagle groaned, voicing what the rest of the unit were thinking.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Alex Rider because that would be slavery.**

* * *

When asked later on how The Great Prank war aka Operation Revenge on S-Unit started, Alex would honestly say that it began with an air conditioner and a hot day.

To those who had the misfortune of staying at Brecon Beacons, weather swung between blistering heat in which soldiers tried to fry eggs on the tin roofs of their cabins and frigid rain. Sometimes, Alex had found rather quickly, it did both; much to his annoyance. Heavy rain came down at night, soaking everything and making the assault course extra muddy than ninety degree temperatures kicked in, leaving the soldiers struggling through a humid miasma. It reminded Alex of tracking down a terrorist in New Orleans, Louisiana, aka one of the most humid cities in the United States. Much of what he remembered from the mission was spent in shorts and t-shirts being curled up by the air conditioner.

"It's so hot," Eagle gasped, having just run the assault course. Alex moved further away from the soldier to escape the man's body odor. Eagle hadn't bothered to shower before coming to breakfast. Once again, K-unit sat on one of the benches in the cafeteria for their daily mush, courtesy of A-unit that day.

'Tell me about it," Wolf murmured nursing a cup of water. He had been studiously avoiding the tea set out, making Alex smirk.

Eagle opened his mouth to no doubt complain some more before Wolf cut in. "Don't actually tell me."Eagle deflated.

Alex ignored the two in favor of overhearing a different conversation.

"Hurry up. We need to stop by the manor for coolant for the air conditioner. I don't want to be out sweating any longer than I have to," a gruff voice urged.

The spy looked behind him to see Rabbit and Falcon of S-Unit. While most of the statement was useless, his mind ground to a halt at the phrase 'air conditioner'. How had this happened and why didn't he have one? In his cranky state Alex swore revenge on S-Unit for their comfort while he was forced to sweat in places he didn't think were possible to sweat in. Alex interrupted K-unit's conversation which had devolved into an argument over who had been stationed in zones with the worst weather.

"S-Unit has kitchen duty tonight, right Wolf?" The teen asked, wheels in his head turning quickly despite the heat.

"Yeah," Wolf was obviously caught off guard.

"They'll probably poison us all," Snake muttered gloomily, probably thinking of preparing the materials necessary for a stomach pump.

"Why?" The unit leader wondered where this was going.

"Oh, nothing." Alex overtly changed the subject. "Hey did you know that S-Unit has an air conditioner?"

"What?!" The unit shouted as one, now fully paying attention.

"Those bastards," Wolf swore.

"It wouldn't surprise me," Snake cut in. "They were always the Sergeant's favorites. Still are, now that I think about it."

"I want an air conditioner," Eagle whined. "We should steal it."

"No," Wolf immediately rejected the proposal. "They would trace it back to us in a heartbeat. Like Snake said, they are Sarge's favorites."

Snake quickly added, "I don't know how the rest of you feel, but disciplinary probation is not my idea of fun."

"We might not be able to steal it," Alex suggested, slyly. "But that doesn't mean we can't tamper with it a little."

The unit leaned in.

"What do you propose?" Wolf grunted, now interested.

Alex smirked, but began outlining his plan.

….

"Are you sure that this will be effective?" Snake asked, glancing doubtfully between the spray bottle in his hand and the vents of the air conditioner. Around the corner, Wolf and Eagle acted as lookouts.

"Definitely." Alex and Tom had played the same prank on an annoying counselor when both their guardians signed them up for summer camp. In Tom's words, it was 'simple but effective'. They mixed fish guts from the kitchen with water, let it sit in the sun for a few hours then thoroughly sprayed it throughout the venting systems so that whenever the machine was turned on S-unit would have to endure the fragrant odor of old fish. It seemed such a shame that the spy didn't have the time to fully install Smither's cameras, but he would take what he could get.

He and Snake had spent the last hour disassembling the machine thoroughly spraying its insides, leaving Wolf and Eagle to work together in order to keep S-unit away. Snake slyly called it 'team bonding', but from the sour expression on Wolf's face, he thought it something much worse. Alex of course snickered in the background, much to the man's immense chagrin.

"I believe we're ready to replace the cover, Cub," Snake said, startling Alex out of his contemplations.

"Oh, sure." Together they carefully bolted the modified air conditioner back into place then, making sure nothing could be traced back to them, left. Using one of Smither's gadgets for speed and convenience, Alex relocked the door from the outside while Snake got the other two.

"C'mon. Let's get out of here before someone sees us."

Few would see it, but Alex could tell Wolf was grateful not to be alone with Eagle any longer than necessary, not that Alex would blame him. From what he could discern, their comrade was an expert in his field, but a lousy conversationalist.

…

"When you said we would be like a fly on the wall, I didn't think your camera was literally disguised as a fly," Snake voiced from behind Alex's shoulder as the teen took up a hand held controller.

"Aww, man. I'm never trusting any bugs ever again." Eagle groaned.

"Shut up, Eagle." Wolf was still irritable from their 'bonding experience' on top of the heat. He didn't even want to consider the possibility that someone was spying on him.

They gathered around a small screen which was attached to the sort of controller that remote controlled airplanes came with. Once again, Alex mentally praised Smithers' genius. The footage had been gathered hours before, but due to various assignments they were seeing it before dinner.

The screen came to with S-unit which was made up of Lion, Falcon, Boar, and Rabbit lounging about on cots. Boar, a dark-haired man built like a tank, sharpened a foot long hunting knife with methodical scrapes while Falcon smoked. Rabbit rummaged through two sacks before pulling out a box of pretzels.

"Want any?" He held it out to Lion who reclined on a cot.

Living up to his title as king of the beasts, Lion refused then lazily ordered the man to turn up the air conditioner to ward off the sweltering heat.

Falcon was the one to smell it first.

"Rabbit, is there something rotting in your pack?" Falcon asked, his face scrunched up in mild disgust.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Something stinks."

"It could be Boar's socks. Only God knows the last time he washed them-"

"Hey." The man put down his hunting knife, now offended. "I'm right here."

"Turn up the air conditioner," Lion ordered. "Maybe we can eliminate the scent."

Watching this, Alex struggled to not laugh. It was just too perfect.

"I think it just got stronger," Boar grunted, moving closer to the cabin door.

Rabbit covered his nose with one of his shirts.

"It has to be coming from the air conditioner," Falcon stated from near the door.

"That's impossible," Lion denied. "It worked fine this morning,"

"Got any better ideas," Rabbit gasped.

"Must have been some other unit that tampered with it."

"Who would? Few even know about it." Falcon retorted.

"We spoke about it at breakfast. Someone may have overheard."

"Which units were in the dining hall when we were there?" Lion snarled.

Rabbit ticked off unit names on his fingers. "Well, there was M-unit, B-unit, Y-unit, K-unit-"

Lion cursed, "K-unit. It was definitely K-unit. I don't know how they did it, but when I get my hands on them I'm going to …" The statement dissolved into curses from there. Alex took notes on some of the ones he had never heard before.

"This is probably revenge for putting snakes in there beds last time," Falcon muttered.

"No, this would come from C-unit then." Boar retorted. "Besides they got us back for that last time."

"I still can't look at popsicle sticks without cringing," Rabbit volunteered readily.

"TMI man," Falcon rolled his eyes.

"No," Lion had finally run out of curses, "This is the opening salvo. K-unit will pay."

Those watching from another cabin could only laugh at the man's slightly demented expression.

...

Though they had kept an eye out during dinner, there were no cockroaches in the meat pies, nor were there any spiders baked into the corn bread.

Eagle had, at first, claimed the meal tasted funny. 'Powdery' was how he described it. Though, soon he began chowing down at a rate that put many of the other soldiers off their own meals. Alex, the paranoid spy, stuck to water and pilfered rations after that.

Soon enough, they were back at the cabin. Alex had kicked off his mud-splattered combat boots and lay sprawled across his standard SAS issued cot. Wolf, on the other hand, sat straight, faithfully cleaning an M9 and treating it as if it was his first born. Snake and Eagle sat on the floor, playing some sort of card game. From what the spy could see, Eagle was winning, though neither of them were very good players.

"Snake," Eagle whined.

"What?"

"I don't feel so good."

The man sighed. "Where does it hurt?"

He suddenly stood up, an alarmed expression dominating his face. "I need to use the loo." Eagle bolted out the door leaving a trail of confused soldiers in his wake.

"You know, I don't feel so well myself." Wolf got up as did the other two.

"Food poisoning?" Snake wondered aloud.

"Probably," Alex agreed. "Who cooked tonight?"

They froze in realization.

"S-unit," Wolf breathed.

Snake cursed. "Laxative, damn it."

"Those bastards. Probably thought that if they stunk so should we."

"So are we going to get them back?" Alex started.

"And more, Cub, we'll give them interest on it." Wolf's grin turned into a grimace as he had to yell at Eagle to stop hogging the loo.

…

That night they held a war meeting in the latrines. It wasn't the out of the way location that drove them there, nor the fear of someone overhearing. Rather they could not go more than ten minutes without having to pay homage to the porcelain throne, only Alex who was in Wolf's words 'a lucky bastard' who managed to escape the unit's fate.

"I'm gonna kill them." Wolf began from one of the stalls.

"Here, here." Snake agreed.

Alex crouch by the latrine door. "I don't know, there are some things that are worse than death." The spy murmured doubtfully, thinking of Dr. Three. The teen and Snake shared a knowing look.

"Like that life insurance salesman we saw in Manchester," Eagle moaned self-pityingly. "He kept going on and on and showing me gloomy reports and statistics that said I would die before I reached thirty so I better have a good policy to pass on to my heirs. I don't even have any children and you guys take all my money in poker."

"Eagle," Wolf stated once more, his voice echoing off the . "Do us all a favor and shut up before I come over there and make you. Trust me when I say that you do not want me to make you shut up."

"Shutting up."

...

Walking towards the mess tent was like walking into a firing squad on the best of days. The atmosphere was terrible, the company insane, and the food, if one could call it that, usually alternated between having the consistency of hardtack and split pea soup. No words could be said about the taste, though Alex would later claim all his taste buds had been eradicated by the second meal.

That day was worse. Between spending most of his night near the toilets and shooting down inane suggestions of revenge, Alex craved his bed in Chelsea. Sure, he had gone longer without sleep on missions, but then again on missions he rarely, if ever, had people like K-unit to contend with. He fully blamed S-unit for his troubles.

Because of this, the spy felt no compunction of guilt as his covered their fatigues in itching powder while they were in the showers earlier that morning.

…

Hot phantom spiders crept along his body, their legs tickling his legs and chest. He wanted to slap them, but they would only be encouraged. It was torture, but he finally gave in. Falcon scratched his chest then his right arm. "Hey Lion, I think we need to get a new detergent."

"Why?" Lion rubbed the skin underneath his collar.

"This one's making me itchy." Falcon's hands wandered to his back which sought reprieve from the horrible sensation.

"Did you wash off all the soap you used?"

"Dude! You don't ask a man that."

Wolf from K-unit walked by, seemingly not affected by the laxative they had laced the unit's meal with the night before. Lion called out, "Hey Wolf, I heard about your occupation of the latrine last night. The SAS doesn't need another screw up." He glanced at Alex who was making a face at his food.

The unit leader showed no reaction to the dig, but instead smirked. "No it was just a twenty-four hour bug." Wolf looked the man up and down, taking in the rapidly forming rash on one of his arms. "Though your unit's looking a bit peaked yourselves."

"You did this," The unit leader snarled in realization. The overall effect was ruined by his non stop scratching.

. . .

"Who did the laundry?" Snake yowled, holding up a pair of pink pants.

Wolf was in too shock to do anything, but stare.

The unit gathered around an industrial sized washing machine. It was laundry day and several hours after they had put itching powder in S-unit's clothes. Snake had suggested that they do a jumbo load of laundry so they would atleast have a clean set before assessments. Foolishly, they had wandered off afterwards, not thinking that S-unit would be active enough at the moment, nor have the necessary supplies to mess with their clothes. For that they were now paying the price.

Coral wasn't a very good color on him, Alex mused. Not that it looked good on any of them. "I'll take mud splattered over this any day."

Snake murmured his agreement.

"S-unit," Wolf had broken enough from his shock induced coma to begin swearing. Lion popped up from where ever demons come from.

"You called?" Alex could tell he was still itchy, but it seemed less pronounced than that morning.

"I hate you all." Wolf hissed.

"We know," The man had the audacity to smirk.

. . .

The stakes were higher than before, Alex realized. But for a few pairs of SAS fatigues, all the clothing that K-unit brought had become a pinkish orange color. The spy was thankful enough when he realized that he had a few pairs of khaki uniforms tucked away. Even so, that didn't diminish the aching fire burning in his chest which screamed for revenge.

"I know you did this,"Lion was, once again, at their table in the morning.

"So quick to blame us, one might think you were paranoid," Wolf smirked. Alex barely contained the urge to laugh.

"Don't get mouthy with me, Wolf. I'm not the one who's wearing a pink uniform."

Wolf chortled. "I'd take that a bit more seriously if it wasn't coming from a smurf."

Lion flushed angrily. His body had been dyed blue, making his face now turn a shade of magenta. "We'll get you for this. One day you're going to let your guard down..." The man trailed off then turned to walk back to his blue unit mates.

"Don't wear yourself out too much trying to scrub it off," Wolf called, grinning.

Lion flipped him off.

. . .

* * *

**Thank you for your reviews.**


	5. Chapter 5

The SAS Sergeant, Alex decided as he once again adjusted his shoulder strap for what seemed like the thousandth time, was a sadist. He and Alex's therapist probably went to the same bingo club.

Seeing the Sergeant's livid expression when he came into the mess hall that morning to see the pink-uniformed K-unit and the blue skinned S-unit was almost worth the seven hour punishment hike. 'Almost' because nothing was, in Alex's opinion, worth hearing Eagle warble One-Hundred-Bottles-of-Beer-on-the-Wall for the fourth time, at 7 o'clock in the morning. Alex made a face at the thought.

Fortunately, Wolf was a better trailblazer than Ben, who had gotten the two spies lost more times than the Alex cared to think about. The teen still remembered a time when they needed to scout out a terrorist compound in the Amazon. They had been hiking for three days and cranky with more bug bites than unblemished skin when Ben realized that the map was upside down. At the time he wanted to strangle the older spy. Looking back on it though, Alex still wanted to strangle the man. After that, they had finally completed the mission objectives two days later where the compound would resemble that of a bombsite before heading back to London. Of course, he would hold that mission over Ben's head as blackmail until the older spy had threatened to tell Tulip of his rather new addiction to online poker.

"You okay, Cub?" Snake interrupted his train of thought. He walked beside the spy, his pink uniform standing out in stark relief among the forest vegetation.

"Yeah, though it could be better." He glanced towards the blue skinned figures moving several yards ahead of the two. Snake nodded understandingly. The spy continued, "Although, I wish we had some duct tape."

Snake grinned. "Eagle's singing does have that effect on even the most tone deaf soldiers."

The aforementioned soldier had evidently heard as he turned around now walking backwards. "You're just jealous. I'll have you two know that most people love my singing. I was the best singer in our school choir before the teacher quit."

The spy and Snake exchanged glances. "Who told you that, your mother? Hate to break it to you, but they lied."

Eagle glared. "Its not my fault you can't recognize talent when you hear it."

By now Snake was chuckling behind a hand. "Sure," Alex replied lazily, "If you want to call your squawking that go ahead."

Eagle spluttered and Lion finally snapped.

You three," Lion snarled, "Shut your faces."

"Don't tell my unit what to do," Wolf growled.

"This is your unit's fault," Boar contributed to the growing tension. "If you weren't so jealous we wouldn't be here."

"Oh so we were supposed to just go with it while your unit sat around in your fancy air conditioned cabin sipping fruit cocktails and getting special treatment because you're the Sergeant's favorites."

"We earned our places." Lion sneered. "Falcon is one of the camp's top snipers, Rabbit is a talented medic, and Boar speaks twelve languages. What does your unit have besides a screw up leader, a childish sniper, a boy just barely out of diapers, and a medic who can't even save his own unit mate? Then again, the SAS isn't what it used to be."

A pained expression flittered across Snake's face while Wolf's visage transformed into a fierce scowl. Even Eagle was serious. Alex decided to speak up. "You're right. They let you in didn't they?"

Wolf seemed to regain some lost confidence. "Unlike you, K-unit did not have to lick the boots of our superiors to get where we are now. Any member of K-unit could beat one of yours."

Alex expected to Lion to lose his temper like he had before several times the past week. "Oh?" Lion's expression was vaguely threatening. "Then let's test this statement shall we? I propose a contest, specifically a shooting contest. In fact, let's make this interesting. The losing unit will have latrine duties all week and the unit leader will have to confess his undying love to the Sergeant in front of the whole mess hall tomorrow morning."

Wolf smirked. "I hope you'll be able to wash out the smell of the sewage you'll be shoveling when Eagle wins. I hear it lingers for years."

"Such compassion for your enemies is unlike you Wolf, though it matters not because it won't be Eagle shooting. For this Falcon and your pet schoolboy will compete."

Wolf blanched.

"You said any member of K-unit could beat us so I intend to test just that," Lion smirked. "Don't worry. I'm sure the Sergeant will let you down gently."

. . .

They made it back to camp with an hour and a half to spare, though their speed mostly came from both units trying to away from each hours later the shooting range crowded with units who 'just so happened to be shooting at the same time'. Alex figured most of them were really there to jeer at K-unit and cheer on S-unit in order to get on their good side. Though he didn't have much time to truly observe them, on Wolf's orders Eagle was giving him a frenzied tutorial in shooting. If he had truly been a beginner, Alex would've been sunk trying to understand the man's instructions. As it was, the spy realized his instructions were slightly different from the way he had learned with Scorpia.

"Can't you teach him faster?" Wolf called as Alex pretended to finger the Browning with the same hesitancy he had seen used by those who were learning to shoot.

Snake, who stood by observing the two, snapped. "Cub is doing the best he can, given the circumstances. He has only had an afternoon while Falcon has been shooting since he could pick up a firearm."

Eagle remained unrealistically optimistic, "Cub's picking shooting up faster than I did when I started. Are you sure you haven't had any experience?" He asked.

Alex shrugged. "I have been hunting." The spy wondered if tracking down and assassinating human terrorists could technically be called hunting.

"Great," Wolf stated to himself sarcastically. "A rich boy who occasionally hunts deer against a trained soldier who has been actively honing his skills longer than you've been alive; I wonder who will win?"

"There's no need to be mean about it." It was surprisingly Eagle who defended the spy while Wolf glared at the two.

Whatever he was about to say faded as Alex walked into the supply room. There were many to choose from, but the spy ultimately chose a Sig Sauer P226, a handgun he had used several times before. He gazed to see that Falcon had chosen a Browning. The blue man had just finished dismantling and cleaning his own gun.

"For the record, I think this is stupid," Falcon spoke at last.

"Didn't stop your unit leader from making the competition." Alex didn't look down, but hands flew across the gun, dismantling it within a few seconds, a tribute to experience and Scorpia's training.

"Lion's a hot head, but I didn't join the SAS to get pranked and compete with school boys." The man bumped him on the way out. "Be at the range in two minutes or have your unit forfeit."

Alex watched him leave.

…

Bear from Y-unit herded the two into two stalls then handed them a pair of earplugs. "Fifteen shots each then we'll tally up your scores."

Alex squared his shoulders and slowly brought up his weapon, intentionally aiming for between the middle and inner rings. From what Eagle had told him, the spy knew Falcon usually had an eighty-three percent accuracy rate. Not wanting to betray how good he was at shooting, but also wanting to wipe the annoying smirk of Lion's face, Alex decided to shoot for eighty-nine percent accuracy. That was his plan, anyway. What he did not calculate was the effects that would occur in the off chance he was shoved, making him instinctively release the last five bullets.

As he stopped to put in his last clip, he was pushed from behind making him instinctively release the trigger. He glanced furiously behind him to see a yawning Boar. He held up his hands at Alex's glare. "Sorry kid, but I don't like losing. Maybe now you'll learn that the SAS is for the big kids." Whatever Alex was about to say was cut off by Bear who called for the boards to be brought in. Boar swaggered back to his idiot had the nerve to swagger back to his unit like he hadn't just ruined the spy's strategy.

Snake, who had seen what Boar had done before, spoke. "I really hate that guy."

"Time's up." Bear shouted as Falcon fired his last bullet. Frog and Otter from M-unit collected the two targets to see who had won.

Eagle patted Alex on the back. "You tried your best. That's all that matters at the moment."

"Are you kidding?" Wolf was hysterical. "My girlfriend is going to keep asking why I smell like sewage."

"I thought you and Kelly broke up?" Snake thankfully changed the subject.

"We got back together." Wolf explained patiently. Alex was in shock that a girl would actually talk to his scowling unit leader, let alone become his girlfriend.

"Again?" Eagle asked.

"You two need to either break up or get married." Snake commented.

"Like you all have any room to judge." Wolf muttered. "When was the last time any of you had a date? And Shimmer doesn't count."

"Eight months ago with that barista." Snake offered. He elaborated when he saw Alex's confused glance at the mention of Shimmer. "Shimmer was a drag queen Eagle met at a bar several months back."

The spy's confusion cleared. He had heard the story from Ben who was at the same bar that night as well as the MI5 female impersonator codenamed Shimmer. The spy remembered little other than Ben cackling at random intervals and the MI5 agent transferring to a different department.

Whatever Eagle was about to say was cut off by the uproar where scores were being tallied.

"What?! " Lion roared, scrutinizing Alex's target for some mistake. "K-unit cheated. I want a re-tally of the scores. There is no way a schoolboy who doesn't even belong in the SAS could beat our unit's best sniper."

Eagle grinned when he heard. "Maybe your sniper isn't as good as you thought he was."

Alex chanced a look at Boar who seemed constipated.

"I'll look forward to your confession tomorrow," Wolf chimed.

If looks could kill, Wolf would be dead a thousand times over from Lion's murderous glare. "You knew."

"Of course I did." The soldier lied smugly. "Like I said, any member of K-unit could beat one of your…skill."

The targets were set up side by side. Most of Falcon's shots ended up on the outer edge of the bulls eye or in the inner ring, giving him an eighty-nine percent accuracy. Alex's target, in contrast, held four bullet punctures along the outer bulls eye, but the rest had gone through the very center of the eye.

Snake pat the teen on the back."We knew you could do it, Cub."

Eagle whistled. "I always knew I was a great teacher, but wow. I never knew I was this good. Maybe I should go into teaching."

You would probably make more money where you are now."

"Yeah, you're right. After all, this unit would probably be serious all the time if I wasn't around to brighten your days." He turned to Alex. "Are you sure you don't have more experience with shooting?"

"I think I would know if I did. I guess I'm just lucky that way." Alex answered wryly, avoiding the question.

"We could've been shooting buddies."

Wolf shuddered at the thought of another Eagle. He looked at a small slip of paper with a schedule printed on it. "Let's go. We have written exams in the mess hall."

As he was the last one out of the shooting range, only Alex saw the Sergeant pick up one of the handguns. It wasn't the speed he was shooting, nor his almost pin-point accuracy, but rather the stance. It was not one taught by the SAS, but it was one he knew as instinctively as walking. Alex's eyes narrowed involuntarily. He had spent the last two years tearing apart Scorpia's bases and assets one at a time. So why was an ex operative working at an SAS base?

…

Flashback

_Alex always felt guilty living with the Pleasures. It had been two months since Jack died at the hands of Scorpia, but he still had nightmares about that mission. Sabina tried to help him, but it wasn't the same as when he spoke about his missions with Jack. Unlike their daughter, Sabina's parents tried to forget everything about that period of life to the point that they treated him like glass, not allowing him to even mention his past with MI6._

_The stress combined with his increasing nightmares caused him to snap when Edward suggested a therapist, insinuating the teen was broken. Thinking back, it had been a stupid argument. At the time, though, he was furious enough to storm out of the house without a coat in November. He didn't return until he was sure the Pleasures would be in bed. After all, Alex had swiped one of the spare keys when they first moved in._

_It occurred to him when an ambulance and a fire truck passed him on the way back that something was wrong. He prayed it had nothing to do with him, but realized it probably did. The spy began running like the hounds of hell were after him. He only stopped when he reached the house._

_He was too late._

_Alex returned to the family's charming, San Francisco town house only to find it a pile of smoldering rubble. Nothing, and no one, inside had survived. The official story was that there had been a gas leak, but he recognized a bomb site when he saw one._

_Only himself and the family car which had been in the repair shop survived. In the glove box he found a plain white business card with nothing but a simple red scorpion on it, painted with what looked to be blood, still dripping wet, and warm to the touch. "Scorpia never forgives, never forgets," The teen murmured. Beside it was the woven friendship bracelet Sabina always wore. It had been cut off, with parts stained with red._

_Alex opened his mouth to scream._

…

Alex gasped, drawing deep breaths; his sight penetrated the cabin's darkness. He looked around once his pulse stopped galloping. Eagle's feet peeked over the edge of the cot, his arms curled around a pillow. Snake had barricaded himself in blankets while Wolf slept like the dead, a trail of drool trickled out of his mouth collecting on his pillow.

The teen looked at his watch. It was four AM, but he knew from experience that he wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon. Alex grabbed his towel and toiletries from where he had hidden them, and then slowly trudged to the showers.

After inspecting in for any signs of pranks, Alex slid under the warm water, a rare treat usually reserved for high ranking officers and guests. It had taken a year of intense therapy before he could comfortably take baths and showers without flashing back to being water boarded.

It felt good. Lukewarm water trickled through his hair and down the spy's back, oozing into every crevice. He scrubbed his skin until it was raw; As if he could somehow wipe away all evidence of his nightmare. It still burned in his memory like a candle in total darkness.

Alex glanced at his reflection in the mirror after toweling off. Scars snaked across his skin, each telling its own story. Several stab wounds adorned his torso while jet fuel burns covered his shoulders like a shawl. Alex knew his scars were gruesome, but their severity had never scared him. He smiled, his face transformed into a carefree teen. Before the Pleasures had died, his eyes were dead. The spy overheard Sabina once telling her friends that he sometimes scared her; he didn't know what she would say now. His eyes were no longer dead-looking, but Alex didn't know if this was better. By now he was able to fake any emotion, be it happiness, camaraderie, or even love. His therapist told him he was getting better and he was. Though there were still days in which he wondered who he was. After all, his scars aside, he did not think he looked like a murderer.

When he discovered their deaths, the spy had gone on a rampage. He had called in as many favors as possible to find who exactly had done it before he hunted the ex-Scorpia operative down like an animal, drawing out their deaths for several days then killing them in the most painful way possible.

Afterward, Mrs. Jones was understandably weary when he called asking for a job. She had assigned him a therapist who had to clear him before he could go into the field. The man ended up quitting after one session so he was bumped to a Ms. Nickleson, a redhead whose attitude painfully reminded him of his late surrogate sister-.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a shoe scuffing the concrete outside the showers. The spy quickly shrugged on the rest of his clothes, choosing to carry his shoes. Alex figured that he could take the intruder by surprise without the twenty pound shoes making noise. He turned out the light and stood by the door, boot in hand.

The door opened and the light turned on. Alex stood, instinctively poised to knock out whoever came through-

"Snake?"

"Cub? What are you doing here?" Snake spluttered, as if it was uncommon to find someone in the showers at five in the morning.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Right.

Neither really knew what to say and lapsed into an awkward silence. Alex put the boot down. "Nightmares?"

Alex's assumption was proven correct as the soldier seemed to have aged ten years overnight. Snake glanced at him. "As perceptive as you are I'm sure you noticed that K-unit what you remembered it to be. Several months after we finished training Fox left for MI6." He misinterpreted Alex's expression. "Now I know you probably think that being a spy would be cool, but its a dirty business. Many people die; Fox tries to omit the details, but I know its dangerous and he gets into a ton of trouble." Snake grinned slightly. "It also doesn't help that his boss is crazy."

Alex inwardly scowled.

"After Fox left we were given a new team mate, Lizard. He was decent enough, but was more stupid than brave. We were given an extraction mission where we didn't know all the details. The mission was completed, but he rushed in and got himself critically injured." Snake seemed choked up. "I wasn't fast enough and Lizard paid the price."

Alex responded sympathetically, "That's rough." He leaned forward to put his hand on Snake's shoulder.

Snake didn't respond for several seconds and when he did his tone was accusing. "What is that?

Alex looked down to find his shirt had fallen open, revealing a chest peppered with shrapnel scars intermixed with a few from stabbings and shootings. "Oops?"


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Alex Rider**

* * *

**Alex looked down to find his shirt had fallen open, revealing a chest peppered with shrapnel scars intermixed with a few from stabbings and shootings. "Oops?"**

"Oops, is that all you can say?" Snake sounded furious. "Take off your shirt."

Alex began backing toward the door. "Sorry, but I don't swing that way. And even if I did, this would still be considered pedophilia."

Snake saw his strategy and tried to cut him off. "Ha, ha very funny. Stop trying to change the subject. Now tell me how you got those scars and how long have you had them?"

"Hmm," Alex pretended to think, "How about not."

"This is not negotiable."

"Its my body," Alex yelped as the man leaned forward. The teen backed toward the window.

"And I need to know how to treat it."

"No you don't," Alex grabbed the window latch, quickly opening it and throwing himself through it. Snake tried to capture his legs, but the youth kicked him in the face, freeing himself in the process.

"Cub?" Snake called from inside the showers, but his unit mate was already running towards the hills.

…

"Men," Snake called the unit to attention. "Cub is hiding something."

Wolf paused, looking up from his magazine. "I thought I told both of you not to pry into Cub's personal life before we came here. Its not like he's that interesting. He's just a spoiled rich kid. The boy is probably the son of one of the higher ups in the military or something."

"I thought that too until recently when I realized that most higher ups who want their sons to follow in their footsteps send them to military school-"

"In that case, I'd hate to have Cub's parents," Eagle shuddered at the thought of going to military school as a teenager.

Snake continued as if Eagle hadn't interrupted. "Besides Wolf, why are you so adamant we shouldn't question him? Last time he was with us, you made his life a living hell."

The unit leader stuttered. While he would never know exactly what Cub was doing at that fancy boarding school two years ago, he knew enough that anything involving the Official Secrets Act shouldn't be spoken of and best forgotten. With the exception of sending the teen a get well card when he got hurt, Wolf had tried to forget about Cub."No reason. I just think the boy deserves his privacy."

Snake and Eagle exchanged shocked glances.

Wolf still spoke, turning the question back on Snake."Why are you so curious?"

"He has been injured, Wolf." Snake whispered.

Wolf inwardly blanched at the medic's seriousness, but forced a light tone. "Most of us have. Whatever you thought you saw was probably a trick of the light-"

"Dammit Wolf." Snake exploded. "I've seen more injured soldiers in the last two years than most doctors see in their lives. I know what shrapnel scarring looks like. Now tell me, why would a spoiled, rich kid be near a bomb." Both his unit mates were silent. Eagle's face took on the color of curdled milk. "I'm going to find out what happened to that boy." The infuriated medic stated determinedly.

…

Unfortunately for the K-Unit, they didn't have time to question the spy as new recruits came that day. Alex, though not disappointed in the least, knew Snake would continue to pester him and eventually convince the others to do the same.

Despite the Sergeant threatening unspeakable evils for any misbehaving soldiers, the youth could feel the unresolved anxiety from S-unit as Lion was forced to confess to the officer under the stares of the new units. The rest of K-unit must have felt the same as they were the first ones out of the mess hall. Eagle had stayed behind to snag another piece of toast and was duly thrown into the slime pit for his delay.

By the time Alex returned to the cabin after taking the longer way, both Snake and Wolf were already sitting on their cots. Expectant tension filled the air as the teen carelessly flopped onto his cot, grabbing a motorcycle magazine from his pack.

Snake was the first to speak, "So, Cub, what have you been doing since we last trained together?"

The teen glanced at him incredulously before replying, "It has been less than ten hours. In case you hadn't realized, most people sleep at night."

Reddening, the medic pressed on. "I meant what have you been doing these past two years?"

"This and that," Alex kept his words as vague as possible. "I met new people and learned new skills, nothing special." He forced himself to shrug.

Snake pounced. "What kind of skills?"

The spy pondered that for a moment. "I learned to drive." Granted, it had been Ben who taught him rather than a proper instructor and they had been in a humvee at the time. But that was best left unsaid, along with the fact that the older spy had thrown up three times and refused to ever drive with the boy again.

"Anything else?"

Alex responded negatively. He wasn't sure the unit could handle the knowledge that their harmless school boy was known as the scourge of the European criminal underworld.

Snake was less than pleased, but recognized he was getting nowhere in his interrogation. He abruptly changed tactics. "I saw you in the showers this morning, Cub. I wanted to tell you that you can come to us if you're having problems."

Alex stayed silent, seemingly in thought. The soldier leaned back, believing that he had gotten through to the difficult teenager. "Wow," The teen began sarcastically, "You're just a regular peeping tom. Though I never thought you would stoop so low as to observe people taking showers." He turned to the other soldier, "Wolf, did you know about your unit mate's tendencies? I suggest you stage an intervention before this gets out of hand."

Wolf tried to hide behind a gun magazine, muttering, "Leave me out of this."

Snake sputtered indignantly, but he eventually regained his sense of composure. "You have scars-"

"Most people have scars," Alex snarked, echoing Wolf's earlier statement as the man began prodding dangerous territory.

"Most people," Snake bit out, "Do not look as if they went ten rounds with a blender and lost."

"I guess I'm just special that way," Alex replied cheekily. Internally, the spy wondered where Eagle had been stashed.

"Cub-" The spy hid his smile. A vein on Snake's neck had began visibly throbbing throughout their whole exchange. Alex reflected curiously that it was the same one that throbbed whenever his therapist was frustrated with him. Wolf seemed distinctly uncomfortable.

An insistent knocking sounded at the door before Snake could pursue his inquisition further.

Wolf practically ran to the door.

Outside their cabin stood four men bearing rucksacks. "We were told to join K-unit."

The group's designated speaker's body language betrayed his nervousness as his statement ended with a question.

"That's us. I'm Wolf, this is Snake, and Cub." Wolf gestured at the two who nodded their heads respectively when introduced. "Our fourth member, Fox, will be arriving tomorrow and our other member, Eagle, is…somewhere," The soldier finished awkwardly.

A plain-looking, brown-haired soldier with a forgettable face introduced himself as Otter while the redhead was Frog, and the blonde was Loon- Alex thanked whatever deity was watching over them that Eagle was not there to comment. The remaining recruit had been christened Tiger twenty minutes before.

With the lack of actual conversation topics at that moment, it was no large surprise that the first thing Frog asked happened to be what a kid was doing in the SAS.

Wolf and Snake looked at each other questioningly while Alex tried to develop some sort of invisibility.

"We don't question it," Which was a lie. "He's one of us, and we will therefore make your life hell if you don't follow his orders." Wolf growled. The statement wasn't for the feeling of camaraderie, but rather Wolf didn't want whoever sponsored Cub to come after him if their precious little bundle of joy became bruised by one of the recruits. Besides, the kid had survived two weeks of hardcore SAS training last time he had been to the camp. If nothing else, the teen had determination in spades, a trait which many of the soldiers needed. The leader scowled as the thought of S-unit came to him.

Snake agreed with Wolf's statement for different reasons. The nicer they were to Cub now, there was a greater chance that the teen would open up and share with them- namely Snake- what he had been doing and how he got his scars. Even if he didn't have this motivation, though, the medic would warn them on principle after listening to some of the brutal ideas Cub had come up for revenge during the week.

"But he's just a teenager. He shouldn't be able to handle the training and I don't want to get killed because our training was flawed," Otter argued objectively. The spy could tell he was voicing the others thoughts.

Alex gave up trying to be invisible. "_He _is right next to you and can hear every word you're saying. Look, I wouldn't be a part of this unit if I couldn't keep up." The spy mentally cringed as categorizing himself with the same men he had hated two years before, but they needed to present a unified front before the other units.

"This topic is closed."Wolf hoped that the men had sense enough not to argue, but he realized the topic would become more prevalent in discussions as the recruits began training. The leader changed subjects, now barking, "As new members of K-unit, you will be expected to uphold the unit's honor." Seeing their looks, Wolf continued, "Yes, we do have honor; I don't care what the other units may have told you. Don't believe anything S-unit tells you because they're dirty, lying scumbags, who could not navigate their way out of a paper bag."

Snake picked up where their leader had left off. "We are the most advanced unit on this base. Wolf is a thorough leader, Cub can shoot almost any target, and Fox, when you meet him, was recruited by one of Britain's intelligence because of the skills he learned in this unit. Above all, don't be stupid. If you are wounded, come to me instead of hiding it." Snake glared at Alex who didn't have the grace to look ashamed. "As members of K-unit you are expected to maintain a high level of decorum. You are now the elite so at like it."

Whatever else Snake had to say was ruined by Eagle's slimy entrance. Mud covered the soldier from head to toe as he swayed on his feet. "Hey Snake," he slurred drunkenly. "Wake me up when the recruits arrive." The man didn't even bother to take off any clothes as he collapsed onto his cot, muttering intermittently about drugged toast.

Used to this behavior, Snake expertly ignored the man. "Are there any questions?" Before you ask, "This is our fourth member, Eagle, and no he is not high."

Loon shyly raised two fingers. "Will we have to wear pink uniforms as well?"

Wolf growled.


End file.
